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Captain Average!
05 October 2008 @ 02:45 pm
I hate insomnia. I really do. It's been at least a month since the last time I slept properly. I've tried every combination of pillows (I have four), every possible position to sleep in (normally my side) and I just can't get comfortable. I get to sleep in 30-40 minute chunks, and they don't link up to each other, and it doesn't seem to matter what time it's set for, I always wake up before my alarm.

It's usually a bowel-clenching terror that keeps me from drifting off. Why terror? What am I so afraid of? Fuck if I know! I end up laying in bed, staring at the wall, and panicking about nothing in particular.

Maybe it's the whole unemployed thing? No. My cell phone bill is covered, I'm paying my car insurance tomorrow, my bank loan is paid off for this month, and my school loan has been deferred until the end of the year, so it's not that. Maybe stress of finding a new job? Possibly, but still, no. Employers are gonna be desperate for people come the holidays, so I can probably get in on that.

It's the same kind of "clench everything" horror that I used to get as a kid, because I was terrified that the house would burn down (you try growing up knowing every time your dad goes to work he may not come home).

I think I might know what it is. [emo] It's the fact that I'm alone. While it may suck when I'm awake, if I sleep, I may dream, and if I dream, it'll be crushing when I come out of it into... into this... I guess subconsciously, I don't want to do it. Pessimism, don't expect anything, and you won't be disappointed.[/emo]

On the happy side, we've started playing the Serenity game again, and tomorrow we will have a full group! yay!
Captain Average!
27 September 2008 @ 03:00 am

I wanted to post this for the last couple days, but apparently the rich text format in LJ screwed up and wouldn't let me.

I post it because I love it, and I cannot wait for part two.
Captain Average!
21 September 2008 @ 09:38 pm
I'm pissed off. Wish I could say why, but I can't really express it in any coherent way.

I've been looking around this free dating site called Matchdoctor because I can't afford other sites. I'm looking for the 21-34 range, and in this area, there's only like 3 people that don't have profiles that instantly rule me out, and they either 1. answered me once, then ignored me, 2. won't answer at all or 3. haven't been on the site in over three months. So, I know they're not actively ignoring me, except for number 1, and I know it's stupid for me to be so angry, but I am.

I don't know, maybe it's just because I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do all day every day, and I'm bored out of my mind, so my mind has plenty of time to dwell on it.

I wish I could figure out my own brain.
Captain Average!
21 September 2008 @ 04:25 pm

Behold The Wuzzles. Nature's D students! Idiot children of the 80's will watch any damn thing...

seeing it now tells me that this show was probably figured out during a really bad acid trip.

Captain Average!
21 September 2008 @ 03:24 am
If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. Idon't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything abouteach other. Short and sweet is fine... you're on my list, so I want toknow you better!

Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
Captain Average!
07 September 2008 @ 10:10 pm
On further inspection, Yahoo Personals costs 30 bucks a month. Fucker. Nevermind. Not worth it.

Back to square zero I guess.
Captain Average!
05 September 2008 @ 10:07 pm
It's been an excessively long time since I posted. I'm a yutz. Figure I should give an update. Most of you already know all this, but hey, deal with it.

I lost my job back in May. I've told my parents something different, but the truth of the matter is that I called a customer a whore.

In my defense, she totally deserved it. Wretched bitch.

So, I've been a burden on society for round-about three months now, and I've discovered what the worst part of being unemployed is.

You might think "No Money"
Though crappy, that's not it.

You might think "Stress of finding a new job"
True, but not it either.

It's boredom. I have far too much free time on my hands, and I don't know what to do with it. I end up drowning poor Jocie in text messages that consist mostly of "I'm bored, entertain me!" I've gotten really fucking good at watching TV and sleeping. It's just too bad those aren't really marketable qualities. I've played all of my console games front to back at least twice, and now I'm bored with them. I can't get new ones because I have no money. I've been playing the hell out of City of Heroes lately. Most of my life stories now come from the game, and no one wants to hear them anymore. I've been to the end of the internet and back, and about 30% of it is of interest to me.
On a related note, I'm on unemployment. Though I appreciate the checks, as they help me stay alive, I feel like a burden being on society. Earl the cab driver tells me to just lay back and enjoy it, and a few others too, but I dunno. I don't like feeling like a freeloader.

Speaking of being a freeloader/burden, for the last week I've been living with Jocelyn while the bathroom in my house gets remodeled.
Pity her.
I've been sleeping on the couch, and, after Jocie goes to work, her bed. Comfy though it is, I miss my bed. I miss my air conditioner. I miss not living with JR (though I do appreciate him letting me stay). I miss being able to lounge around in just boxers (yeah, sorry, that was a horrible image, I know).

The Scion game is wrapping up soon. The players have just two more Greater Titans to capture, and if they keep going at the rate they're going, it'll be maybe a month and a half til it's done. After that, we're running a one-or-two-shot game of The Dead, zombie survival horror. Making them play themselves. Bound to be fun, and after that, Back to Serenity (applause, cheer!)! I'm pretty excited about going back to Serenity, because we didn't stop playing because of any lost interest, it was because of the actions of one particular player who had efficiently creeped out the whole group, and soured the game for a while. Me and Joce have been brainstorming about character ideas and backstory, and I'm excited. It's gonna be good. Found a bunch of new ship designs and plot ideas, only problem is, I don't have a name for "Season 2" of Serenity. Season One was called Smoke Signals, can't figure out anything for this one.

My friend Melissa is getting married tomorrow, and I don't know how to feel about it. I'm happy for her, certainly, but it makes me step back and think of my own life. 26, unemployed, still living at home with mom and dad, no direction in my life, and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do.

I'm being depressing. Stopping that now. On the plus side, losing my job has improved my general mood [i]DRAMATICALLY[/i], ask anyone who spends more than 30 seconds in my presence. I'm certainly not Mr. Sunshine, and on occaision, I can be downright depressing to be around. However, the despair sinkhole doesn't follow me around nearly as often anymore. Speaking to considerably less stupid people definately helps.

I'm still single, though I wish I weren't at this point. The cool part of being a free agent and away from the Shrew wore off  about 7 months ago. It's now been about a year since I broke up with her, I had a girlfriend for about 3 weeks in between, but she ditched me to play WoW, so nuts to her and that wretched game.

This also means its been nearly a year since I last got laid. The frustration is damn near overwhelming. I'm almost at the whole caveman "club to the head" stage. Joce tells me that I'll be fine, and Adam says just to wait it out. I'm not going to be an ass and go on about how I'm tired of waiting, blah blah blah, but yeah. I'm tired of waiting. Tried eHarmony and Match.com, but I'm apparently far too much of a headcase for either. "We're sorry, but we don't have any matches for you at this time." that really reads as "You're fat? And not constantly happy? And not Catholic? Get the fuck out!" Pedro had some luck with Yahoo Personals (though wether or not dating Jade is considered luck is a matter of interpretation), so I may give them a shot. However, being Fat, Balding, Unemployed, Nerdy and living at home I'm sure is going to be damned impressive! [/sarcasm]

I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of it right now.
Captain Average!
11 December 2007 @ 01:47 am
Go to the Wikipedia home page and click random article. That is your band's name.
Click random article again; that is your album name.
Click random article 10 more times; those are the tracks on your album.

Band Name: Ubirr
Album Name: Roger Carr

1: 1922 in Wales
2: List of nicknames of European Royalty and Nobility: A-C
3: Klein Rheide
4: International Road Assessment Program
5: Tepid Peppermint Wonderland: A Retrospective
6: AFI's 100 Years... 100 Heroes and Villians
7: Fitzgerald's Woodlands House Hotel, Adare
8: Automap
9: David C. Geary
10: Yuan Shang

And I don't have the attention span to write out a whole big thing like Ally did, but I think this works.
Captain Average!
18 November 2007 @ 04:13 am

This is definately NSFW, but it's brilliant. I particularly like the sound effects.

Oh, and never mind about Assassin's Creed. Went out and bought it. It is, indeed, the shit.
Current Mood: hornyhorny
Captain Average!
16 November 2007 @ 03:31 am
I figure I should post about something other than melodrama, but first

I'm not really sure what to make of the whole being Grandparentless thing. Vavoo and Grammie had a magnet on their fridge when they lived on Thelma Ave, it said "Parents are a necessity, Grandparents, a Luxury"

I understood, intellectually, what it meant, but I never really understood until recently. This has been the hardest two weeks of my life. I'm this much of a mess now, I can only imagine how I'll handle something even bigger.

On the plus side, something good did happen this month, in spite of the catastrophes. On Saturday I got to spend the day with Ally, just hanging around, walking around Boston and talking. Aside from the mind numbing cold, it was fun, and I'd very much like to do it again... I'll just buy some insoles first, because only today did my legs stop hurting.
Yeah, I know, South Station to Coolidge Corner, in the grand scheme of things, isn't that far. But I sit on my ass all day at work, and since I started working at Starwood, I've probably walked a quarter mile, in total, in the year I've been there. I may have hated Papa Johns and Shaw's, but at least I was moving.

I went on a retail therapy spree the last few days.  Bought Viva Pinata, Drawn Together Season 2, some new transformers, Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 Gold, a new T-shirt and some random assorted useless crap that I don't even recall. It was perhaps not the best thing to do, as I realize now that I have only about $8.78 in my bank account.

Scion game on Monday should be interesting. Got a whole body swap episode in store, and it's going to be entertaining as hell. Ian's gonna be joining the group, he'll be playing Anthony, William's lover and all around badass egyptian medic... with claws.

Found a new free RPG called simply "The Dead". Seems pretty interesting, and it may make for a fun one-shot some day. I have to print it first though. I've decided that I want the new Heroscape base set for christmas. And an HD TV. And Assassin's Creed. And Mass Effect.

I've also been reading up on In Nomine. I wanna play an Ofanite. It just fits.

Okay, enough rambling. I need to sleep
Current Mood: ditzydazed