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11 January 2009 @ 04:45 am
Karma Reserve  
The title of this post will make zero sense for anyone who is unfamiliar with the HERO system or its rules, but I'll explain. In HERO, there is a power called an Endurance Reserve, and it can be used to fuel the use of powers without tapping into a character's normal endurance pool.

I was talking to Adam the other night, and he said that he thinks I have what's essentially a Karma Reserve. My natural karma stat is hideously low, but I can use the Karma Reserve to improve my standing, but only when it's full.

Well, apparently, it's full, and just like trying to top off the tank of your car, some's spilling out. I've started working again, so I think that happened just as my reserve topped out. Now, apparently, I don't know how to actually tap into this reserve, so I'm catching overflow, because in the past week, two separate, real life women have contacted me via matchdoctor, and they seem to be intrigued by me. Don't fully understand it myself, but apparently the top to bottom mediocrity of my profile appealed to them. Note, that is not a complaint, and even if this is karma meant for someone else and it was misdirected at me, I'm going to take full advantage. One lives in Brookline, which isn't too terribly far, and she's beautiful, geeky, and asian.

The other just contacted me tonight. She's a bit farther away (In Jersey ((EW!))), but judging by her pictures, assuming she isn't some elaborate scam or setup, she is also drop-dead gorgeous. This one is tall, blonde and a model.

When did god start liking me? Did I get hot and not notice it? Now, before someone says I need to stop being negative, let me show you something.

http://www.matchdoctor.com/profile_RosieMadderer.html

That's the first girl to contact me. Her name is Yiyi and she goes to school in upstate NY, graduating this summer. To see her pics, you think, hey, she's pretty, right? Then you read her profile. She's a nerd, she attends cons, loves scifi, toilet humor and poor-man's dates, and is also quite open about what she wants sexually.
Sounds a little too good to be true, right? There's my problem. Back in Durfee, a popular girl paid attention to me, and even dated me for a short time, but it was all a set up. She'd been paid by Scott Steele, the worst bully I've ever known in my life to make me fall for her, just so she could dump me in the most humiliating and public manner possible. I wanted to die. It was the impetus for my first attempt to take my life.
Perhaps I'm being too overly paranoid, and I readily admit that that may indeed be the case (and I sincerely hope it's just stupid paranoia).

http://www.matchdoctor.com/profile_mystic19pink.html

And that, is Madyson. She's the one from Jersey, and I'm fairly convinced she's not just a well written spambot. I'm hopefully going to start some online correspondence with her, but, the pics I've posted on matchdoctor don't show me from the neck down, so I'm afraid my profile and online confidence may just sweep her off her feet, only for her to land squarely back on them if we ever meet in person. And, well, New Jersey. Ick.

Someone tell me I'm just being stupid with this paranoia and self-deprecation. I've been trying to tell myself that, but that annoying little fucker called "Self-Doubt" and his aggressive cousin "Self-Hatred" have tag-teamed to keep me completely off balance with, well, pretty much everything.

As funny as he is, I really don't want to be like Rimmer from Red Dwarf. Mr. "My Brain's rebelled! I just can't picture nice things happening to me!" Rimmer.
 
 
 
Jenarahkarose on January 11th, 2009 02:08 pm (UTC)
Ok.
A) who would be paying these girls to fuck with your brain? the bullies are gone and i don't believe you have any enemies

B) as we grow up girls tend to realize that those popular "hot" types sort of suck for actual relationships. girls are a lot more likely than guys to look past physical appearance for a guy who's wholly attractive.

C) you are a fairly attractive guy. no you're not brad pitt but see above point, but you're not some ugly nasty guy. When you've got your charms going you have girls all over you (remember how many girls ended up with a crush on you at starwood... yeah well that's pretty damn good considering i think there were probably a couple you didn't know about).

D) If you keep complaining about being unattractive I'm going to find a giant prozac pill and beat you silly with it.


Captain Average!dj_blackrock on January 11th, 2009 10:05 pm (UTC)
What happened here, is I need to stop being up so goddamned late, because when I'm up that late, and that alone, I get very, very paranoid.
Consumer of Worlds, Devourer of Soulslowellius on January 11th, 2009 03:16 pm (UTC)
You have a better shot with the first girl over the second in my opinion, unless you give up smoking altogether. She's a very fitness oriented woman.

They both sound very nice. Good luck with it. Always here for you in the off chance you want to talk!
Captain Average!: hammerdj_blackrock on January 11th, 2009 10:07 pm (UTC)
well, she contacted me, after having seen my profile, including the "heavy smoker here" under that heading. It was part of the reason why I wasn't sure she contacted the right person.
Jociegothkikyokujo on January 12th, 2009 02:21 am (UTC)
Do what makes you happy - say 'fuck you' anyone who tells you differently. That's my opinion.
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