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Captain Average!
11 January 2009 @ 04:45 am
The title of this post will make zero sense for anyone who is unfamiliar with the HERO system or its rules, but I'll explain. In HERO, there is a power called an Endurance Reserve, and it can be used to fuel the use of powers without tapping into a character's normal endurance pool.

I was talking to Adam the other night, and he said that he thinks I have what's essentially a Karma Reserve. My natural karma stat is hideously low, but I can use the Karma Reserve to improve my standing, but only when it's full.

Well, apparently, it's full, and just like trying to top off the tank of your car, some's spilling out. I've started working again, so I think that happened just as my reserve topped out. Now, apparently, I don't know how to actually tap into this reserve, so I'm catching overflow, because in the past week, two separate, real life women have contacted me via matchdoctor, and they seem to be intrigued by me. Don't fully understand it myself, but apparently the top to bottom mediocrity of my profile appealed to them. Note, that is not a complaint, and even if this is karma meant for someone else and it was misdirected at me, I'm going to take full advantage. One lives in Brookline, which isn't too terribly far, and she's beautiful, geeky, and asian.

The other just contacted me tonight. She's a bit farther away (In Jersey ((EW!))), but judging by her pictures, assuming she isn't some elaborate scam or setup, she is also drop-dead gorgeous. This one is tall, blonde and a model.

When did god start liking me? Did I get hot and not notice it? Now, before someone says I need to stop being negative, let me show you something.


That's the first girl to contact me. Her name is Yiyi and she goes to school in upstate NY, graduating this summer. To see her pics, you think, hey, she's pretty, right? Then you read her profile. She's a nerd, she attends cons, loves scifi, toilet humor and poor-man's dates, and is also quite open about what she wants sexually.
Sounds a little too good to be true, right? There's my problem. Back in Durfee, a popular girl paid attention to me, and even dated me for a short time, but it was all a set up. She'd been paid by Scott Steele, the worst bully I've ever known in my life to make me fall for her, just so she could dump me in the most humiliating and public manner possible. I wanted to die. It was the impetus for my first attempt to take my life.
Perhaps I'm being too overly paranoid, and I readily admit that that may indeed be the case (and I sincerely hope it's just stupid paranoia).


And that, is Madyson. She's the one from Jersey, and I'm fairly convinced she's not just a well written spambot. I'm hopefully going to start some online correspondence with her, but, the pics I've posted on matchdoctor don't show me from the neck down, so I'm afraid my profile and online confidence may just sweep her off her feet, only for her to land squarely back on them if we ever meet in person. And, well, New Jersey. Ick.

Someone tell me I'm just being stupid with this paranoia and self-deprecation. I've been trying to tell myself that, but that annoying little fucker called "Self-Doubt" and his aggressive cousin "Self-Hatred" have tag-teamed to keep me completely off balance with, well, pretty much everything.

As funny as he is, I really don't want to be like Rimmer from Red Dwarf. Mr. "My Brain's rebelled! I just can't picture nice things happening to me!" Rimmer.