This post is simply to show off my new userpic. Jocie should love it.

1. Put Your iTunes on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Tag at least 5 friends.
6. Anyone tagged has to do the same, because pointless fun spreads like a virus.

If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
Public Warning

How would you describe yourself?
Kogueru ni Saita Hona

What do you like in a girl/guy?
She Blinded Me With Science

How do you feel today?
Fuel

What is your life’s purpose?
Bombs over Baghdad

What is your motto?
Pimpin' Ain't EZ (I swear to god this is what came up.)

What do your friends think of you?
My Console

What do you think of your parents?
Anthem for the year 2000

What do you think about very often?
Bruises

What is 2 + 2 ?
Doin' Time

What do you think of your best friend?
Enter Sandman

What do you think of the person you like?
Loser

What is your life story?
45

What do you want to be when you grow up?
B Cup

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Murmaider

What will you dance to at your wedding?
MIRROR

What will they play at your funeral?
Do I Creep You Out?

What is your hobby/interest?
Devil

What is your biggest fear?
Old School Rules

What is your biggest secret?
Ohne Dich

What do you think of your friends?
Mini Mini Mini

What will you post this as?
The Perfect Drug

Well, for those who read my last post, I was being overly optimistic. Beth dropped me like a bad habit last night. I'm not really upset or anything, just kind of disappointed that I didn't get to have sex again. You'd figure I should be upset or angry, but I'm not. Repression is a wonderful thing huh?

Okay, to recall everything that's happened in the last couple of months would take more time, effort, and frustration than I really care to get into right now. Suffice it to say, I was a real idiot for a while, then I wasn't, then I was again, and now I think I'm kinda okay.

I got a second job. I'm going to be working at Pizza Hut too, delivery driving again, so I should soon have more money as well as "Dear god" customer stories. I'm looking forward to both. With luck, I'll be able to move out sort of on time. Either way, I'm determined to be out before the end of the year.

Also, I've met someone. Her name is Beth and she lives in providence. She's a bit older than me, and I have to say, so far, I'm smitten. I don't know if anything is ultimately going to work out, or if I'm just being overly optimistic, but I'm determined not to be the negative fucktard again. I'm not questioning my luck, just simply enjoying it. She keeps me up at night, we've been known to talk nearly non-stop for upwards of 12 hours. That's not nothing. Our conversations often turn to sex, and its made me think, do I really talk about sex that much? I probably do, but just don't realize it I suppose.

Looking forward to the new Transformers movie. Officially psyched for Ravage. I could deal without the "Twins" which aren't even the right twins (Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, hello?). Also, the Constructicons. Need I say any more? No, I need not.

And now, Links!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwU_7vixSjg -- Go Femmy Asian Link Go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMnk7lh9M3o&feature=player_embedded -- may be old news, but I like it.

http://www.superstupor.com/index.html -- Superhero happy from Something Positive creator R.K. Milholland.

http://community.guinnessworldrecords.com/_Through-The-Fire-and-Flames-100-5th-FC-Guitar-Hero-3-DragonForce/video/544167/7691.html -- This kid invalidates my very existence.

and finally
http://www.cityofheroes.com/goingrogue/ -- I very nearly soiled myself from joy when I saw this. I still think it is both kewl and win.

PS, Enjoy my new Avatar! Phat Lutes!

You know what? Fuck it. I was gonna post about my life, but fuck it. It'd just be more bitching. No one really cares honestly.

Fuck it. I'm sick and tired of it all.

Okay, you've seen my last post. I was being overly optimistic about Candace I think. Things haven't worked out, and I realize I should have listened to Ben from the get go (and, for the record, "I told you so" isn't necessary :-P )and bailed on her sooner.

What changed? Well, for some reason, she pulled a Sarah, and decided I wasn't worth talking to. Okay, fine. She can't be bothered to expend 30 seconds of minimal effort, then I can't be bothered to drive 100 miles and 2 hours one way to see her.

She tried to blame PMS. Okay. PMS excuses only so much. 4 solid days of silence? Yeah, no. I can't be with a girl who won't put forth any effort. It's done.

On the plus side, Melissa isn't angry with me, and we've gone right back to the way it was before Candace came along.

Who's Melissa? Well, that's gonna have to wait for another post.

Okay, the majority of this post is old news for most of you, and that's fine, but Adam, Jen and Jocelyn are talking about religion and I really don't want to be part of this.

Anyhoo, it's been a while since I posted, so here goes:

I quit smoking. It's been hell so far, but I'm dealing. Makes me a little frightened about how bad second-hand smoke really was, because it helps my nicotine cravings! Weird. I'm trying to get my brain to associate the endorphine rush of lighting a cigarette with popping a candy in my mouth. So far, it's not working.

So, why the hell would me, smokey the nerd, quit smoking? What could possibly cause me to give it up? Well, her name is Candace, and for some inexplicable reason, she likes me. And before you say "You quit for a girl! You won't last!" She tricked me, true. But she has a valid point. I don't really have a good reason to still be smoking. I run out of breath very fast, I smell horrible, I'm like kissing an ashtray apparently, my teeth get all nasty, and they're EXPENSIVE! Getting worse too. (Well, that, and she's in charge of my nookie supply, so she has a bit of sway over me).

Speaking of! I've been noticeably less freaked out as of late. Brent even pointed it out. "You're much less neurotic. Noticeably less." Yeah. There's a reason for that. :-P But a gentleman never tells.

I need to find another job. It has become very obvious to me that I will never get full time. I want it, but it'll never happen. I suppose that whole "Liking what you do" thing really is a pipe dream.

My old laptop was stolen last week. I managed to get my hands on another one, and in three months and 300 dollars later, it'll be mine. And it's an upgrade.

Yeah. I got people.

My Serenity supplies went with it. So, to the asshole who has my laptop, enjoy it cocksucker! Enjoy my roleplaying supplies too! Hope you rot in a personal hell of your own making! If I ever find you, I will kill you.

As for Candace. Well, I met her via a dating site, and before you say "Red Flag!", she's really very sweet. She's much shorter than me, and she's just adorable. She and I apparently also share a brain. It terrifies Adam, way I figure, one of me is bad enough, but a female version? Egads!

Only real drawback I can see? She lives in Chicopee. Where's Chicopee? : Points NorthWest : 2 hours that way! Yeah. It's rough. Granted, not horridly distant like Jocie and Rocky, but still far enough to suck. So, what we do is appreciate and enjoy what time we get together, because we have less of it than other couples.

There's something about this girl. Something truly special. She can keep me on the phone for hours on end. We can be sitting there, my arms around her, watching TV, doing nothing even remotely sexual, and I'm happy. For the first time in a long time, I'm happy. Call me a putz if you need to, but relationships make me happy. Having someone that means so much to me is amazing. Meaning that much to someone is incredible. Yeah, I'm gonna stop now. I'm being really corny.

So, uh... yeah... That's really about it.

So now, here's some random videos I found:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMO8Pyi3UpY&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZt8aanIJmQ&feature=related

Gotta love Benny Hill

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjXVhA86Vr4

City of Heroes is on the Mac! See all the videos! Yay!

The title of this post will make zero sense for anyone who is unfamiliar with the HERO system or its rules, but I'll explain. In HERO, there is a power called an Endurance Reserve, and it can be used to fuel the use of powers without tapping into a character's normal endurance pool.

I was talking to Adam the other night, and he said that he thinks I have what's essentially a Karma Reserve. My natural karma stat is hideously low, but I can use the Karma Reserve to improve my standing, but only when it's full.

Well, apparently, it's full, and just like trying to top off the tank of your car, some's spilling out. I've started working again, so I think that happened just as my reserve topped out. Now, apparently, I don't know how to actually tap into this reserve, so I'm catching overflow, because in the past week, two separate, real life women have contacted me via matchdoctor, and they seem to be intrigued by me. Don't fully understand it myself, but apparently the top to bottom mediocrity of my profile appealed to them. Note, that is not a complaint, and even if this is karma meant for someone else and it was misdirected at me, I'm going to take full advantage. One lives in Brookline, which isn't too terribly far, and she's beautiful, geeky, and asian.

The other just contacted me tonight. She's a bit farther away (In Jersey ((EW!))), but judging by her pictures, assuming she isn't some elaborate scam or setup, she is also drop-dead gorgeous. This one is tall, blonde and a model.

When did god start liking me? Did I get hot and not notice it? Now, before someone says I need to stop being negative, let me show you something.

http://www.matchdoctor.com/profile_RosieMadderer.html

That's the first girl to contact me. Her name is Yiyi and she goes to school in upstate NY, graduating this summer. To see her pics, you think, hey, she's pretty, right? Then you read her profile. She's a nerd, she attends cons, loves scifi, toilet humor and poor-man's dates, and is also quite open about what she wants sexually.
Sounds a little too good to be true, right? There's my problem. Back in Durfee, a popular girl paid attention to me, and even dated me for a short time, but it was all a set up. She'd been paid by Scott Steele, the worst bully I've ever known in my life to make me fall for her, just so she could dump me in the most humiliating and public manner possible. I wanted to die. It was the impetus for my first attempt to take my life.
Perhaps I'm being too overly paranoid, and I readily admit that that may indeed be the case (and I sincerely hope it's just stupid paranoia).

http://www.matchdoctor.com/profile_mystic19pink.html

And that, is Madyson. She's the one from Jersey, and I'm fairly convinced she's not just a well written spambot. I'm hopefully going to start some online correspondence with her, but, the pics I've posted on matchdoctor don't show me from the neck down, so I'm afraid my profile and online confidence may just sweep her off her feet, only for her to land squarely back on them if we ever meet in person. And, well, New Jersey. Ick.

Someone tell me I'm just being stupid with this paranoia and self-deprecation. I've been trying to tell myself that, but that annoying little fucker called "Self-Doubt" and his aggressive cousin "Self-Hatred" have tag-teamed to keep me completely off balance with, well, pretty much everything.

As funny as he is, I really don't want to be like Rimmer from Red Dwarf. Mr. "My Brain's rebelled! I just can't picture nice things happening to me!" Rimmer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpVQ_BXZOHw&eurl=http://srtg.org.au/forums/viewtopic.php?f=42&t=901&view=unread&feature=player_embedded


I must have this! It is made of both Cool and Win. I would never need to leave the house again as long as I live. 50" projected HD 360 Fallout 3 goodness ON THE CEILING! If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch it!

I. MUST. HAVE.

Way I understand, it's somewhere between 3,000 and 4,000 bucks... so, if I sell myself on the street I should be able to afford it by... lessee.... 2028.

I am now a productive member of society again, as I have been hired at Blockbuster. There was a bit of confusion with their new hiring program (why must EVERYTHING be automated now?), so it's not happening quite as quick as I was hoping, but it is happening. Turns out when I filled out the app two weeks ago, the system thought I was applying for the Sales Manager position rather than the Customer Service Rep that I was actually going for, and, correspondingly, gave me the harder evaluation. I aced it anyway, so, hey, cool. Gotta love a job that has "What home console systems do you have experience playing?" on their employment application.

I'm putting together a Champions game for, tentatively, the saturdays in which I do not go to the Space Opera game, and I'm quite excited about it. Stillpoint Cory gave me Hero Designer v3, and, if it wouldn't be weird, I could hug him. I love this program, because it does all the retarded Champions math FOR ME! I'm sure most of you know my luck with math.

And now, some links
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL-hNMJvcyI - You go Cartoon Network!

http://cissie-king.livejournal.com/9431.html

http://www.cracked.com/article_16782_6-ways-world-warcraft-worse-than-real-life.html - this one is for Ben, Brent and Kevin

I hate insomnia. I really do. It's been at least a month since the last time I slept properly. I've tried every combination of pillows (I have four), every possible position to sleep in (normally my side) and I just can't get comfortable. I get to sleep in 30-40 minute chunks, and they don't link up to each other, and it doesn't seem to matter what time it's set for, I always wake up before my alarm.

It's usually a bowel-clenching terror that keeps me from drifting off. Why terror? What am I so afraid of? Fuck if I know! I end up laying in bed, staring at the wall, and panicking about nothing in particular.

Maybe it's the whole unemployed thing? No. My cell phone bill is covered, I'm paying my car insurance tomorrow, my bank loan is paid off for this month, and my school loan has been deferred until the end of the year, so it's not that. Maybe stress of finding a new job? Possibly, but still, no. Employers are gonna be desperate for people come the holidays, so I can probably get in on that.

It's the same kind of "clench everything" horror that I used to get as a kid, because I was terrified that the house would burn down (you try growing up knowing every time your dad goes to work he may not come home).

I think I might know what it is. [emo] It's the fact that I'm alone. While it may suck when I'm awake, if I sleep, I may dream, and if I dream, it'll be crushing when I come out of it into... into this... I guess subconsciously, I don't want to do it. Pessimism, don't expect anything, and you won't be disappointed.[/emo]

On the happy side, we've started playing the Serenity game again, and tomorrow we will have a full group! yay!

http://therewillbebrawl.com/episodesEp1.asp

I wanted to post this for the last couple days, but apparently the rich text format in LJ screwed up and wouldn't let me.

I post it because I love it, and I cannot wait for part two.

I'm pissed off. Wish I could say why, but I can't really express it in any coherent way.

I've been looking around this free dating site called Matchdoctor because I can't afford other sites. I'm looking for the 21-34 range, and in this area, there's only like 3 people that don't have profiles that instantly rule me out, and they either 1. answered me once, then ignored me, 2. won't answer at all or 3. haven't been on the site in over three months. So, I know they're not actively ignoring me, except for number 1, and I know it's stupid for me to be so angry, but I am.

I don't know, maybe it's just because I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do all day every day, and I'm bored out of my mind, so my mind has plenty of time to dwell on it.


I wish I could figure out my own brain.

www.youtube.com/watch

Behold The Wuzzles. Nature's D students! Idiot children of the 80's will watch any damn thing...

seeing it now tells me that this show was probably figured out during a really bad acid trip.

If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. Idon't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything abouteach other. Short and sweet is fine... you're on my list, so I want toknow you better!

Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.



01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

On further inspection, Yahoo Personals costs 30 bucks a month. Fucker. Nevermind. Not worth it.

Back to square zero I guess.

It's been an excessively long time since I posted. I'm a yutz. Figure I should give an update. Most of you already know all this, but hey, deal with it.

I lost my job back in May. I've told my parents something different, but the truth of the matter is that I called a customer a whore.

In my defense, she totally deserved it. Wretched bitch.

So, I've been a burden on society for round-about three months now, and I've discovered what the worst part of being unemployed is.

You might think "No Money"
Though crappy, that's not it.

You might think "Stress of finding a new job"
True, but not it either.

It's boredom. I have far too much free time on my hands, and I don't know what to do with it. I end up drowning poor Jocie in text messages that consist mostly of "I'm bored, entertain me!" I've gotten really fucking good at watching TV and sleeping. It's just too bad those aren't really marketable qualities. I've played all of my console games front to back at least twice, and now I'm bored with them. I can't get new ones because I have no money. I've been playing the hell out of City of Heroes lately. Most of my life stories now come from the game, and no one wants to hear them anymore. I've been to the end of the internet and back, and about 30% of it is of interest to me.
On a related note, I'm on unemployment. Though I appreciate the checks, as they help me stay alive, I feel like a burden being on society. Earl the cab driver tells me to just lay back and enjoy it, and a few others too, but I dunno. I don't like feeling like a freeloader.

Speaking of being a freeloader/burden, for the last week I've been living with Jocelyn while the bathroom in my house gets remodeled.
Pity her.
I've been sleeping on the couch, and, after Jocie goes to work, her bed. Comfy though it is, I miss my bed. I miss my air conditioner. I miss not living with JR (though I do appreciate him letting me stay). I miss being able to lounge around in just boxers (yeah, sorry, that was a horrible image, I know).

The Scion game is wrapping up soon. The players have just two more Greater Titans to capture, and if they keep going at the rate they're going, it'll be maybe a month and a half til it's done. After that, we're running a one-or-two-shot game of The Dead, zombie survival horror. Making them play themselves. Bound to be fun, and after that, Back to Serenity (applause, cheer!)! I'm pretty excited about going back to Serenity, because we didn't stop playing because of any lost interest, it was because of the actions of one particular player who had efficiently creeped out the whole group, and soured the game for a while. Me and Joce have been brainstorming about character ideas and backstory, and I'm excited. It's gonna be good. Found a bunch of new ship designs and plot ideas, only problem is, I don't have a name for "Season 2" of Serenity. Season One was called Smoke Signals, can't figure out anything for this one.

My friend Melissa is getting married tomorrow, and I don't know how to feel about it. I'm happy for her, certainly, but it makes me step back and think of my own life. 26, unemployed, still living at home with mom and dad, no direction in my life, and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do.

I'm being depressing. Stopping that now. On the plus side, losing my job has improved my general mood [i]DRAMATICALLY[/i], ask anyone who spends more than 30 seconds in my presence. I'm certainly not Mr. Sunshine, and on occaision, I can be downright depressing to be around. However, the despair sinkhole doesn't follow me around nearly as often anymore. Speaking to considerably less stupid people definately helps.

I'm still single, though I wish I weren't at this point. The cool part of being a free agent and away from the Shrew wore off  about 7 months ago. It's now been about a year since I broke up with her, I had a girlfriend for about 3 weeks in between, but she ditched me to play WoW, so nuts to her and that wretched game.

This also means its been nearly a year since I last got laid. The frustration is damn near overwhelming. I'm almost at the whole caveman "club to the head" stage. Joce tells me that I'll be fine, and Adam says just to wait it out. I'm not going to be an ass and go on about how I'm tired of waiting, blah blah blah, but yeah. I'm tired of waiting. Tried eHarmony and Match.com, but I'm apparently far too much of a headcase for either. "We're sorry, but we don't have any matches for you at this time." that really reads as "You're fat? And not constantly happy? And not Catholic? Get the fuck out!" Pedro had some luck with Yahoo Personals (though wether or not dating Jade is considered luck is a matter of interpretation), so I may give them a shot. However, being Fat, Balding, Unemployed, Nerdy and living at home I'm sure is going to be damned impressive! [/sarcasm]

I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of it right now.

Go to the Wikipedia home page and click random article. That is your band's name.
Click random article again; that is your album name.
Click random article 10 more times; those are the tracks on your album.

Band Name: Ubirr
Album Name: Roger Carr

Tracks:
1: 1922 in Wales
2: List of nicknames of European Royalty and Nobility: A-C
3: Klein Rheide
4: International Road Assessment Program
5: Tepid Peppermint Wonderland: A Retrospective
6: AFI's 100 Years... 100 Heroes and Villians
7: Fitzgerald's Woodlands House Hotel, Adare
8: Automap
9: David C. Geary
10: Yuan Shang

And I don't have the attention span to write out a whole big thing like Ally did, but I think this works.

http://dirtyvideos.timekiller.com/index~show~media~vidi~0137_Asian_Fuck_Fu_Porn.htm

This is definately NSFW, but it's brilliant. I particularly like the sound effects.

Oh, and never mind about Assassin's Creed. Went out and bought it. It is, indeed, the shit.

I figure I should post about something other than melodrama, but first

[melodrama]
I'm not really sure what to make of the whole being Grandparentless thing. Vavoo and Grammie had a magnet on their fridge when they lived on Thelma Ave, it said "Parents are a necessity, Grandparents, a Luxury"

I understood, intellectually, what it meant, but I never really understood until recently. This has been the hardest two weeks of my life. I'm this much of a mess now, I can only imagine how I'll handle something even bigger.
[/melodrama]

On the plus side, something good did happen this month, in spite of the catastrophes. On Saturday I got to spend the day with Ally, just hanging around, walking around Boston and talking. Aside from the mind numbing cold, it was fun, and I'd very much like to do it again... I'll just buy some insoles first, because only today did my legs stop hurting.
Yeah, I know, South Station to Coolidge Corner, in the grand scheme of things, isn't that far. But I sit on my ass all day at work, and since I started working at Starwood, I've probably walked a quarter mile, in total, in the year I've been there. I may have hated Papa Johns and Shaw's, but at least I was moving.

I went on a retail therapy spree the last few days.  Bought Viva Pinata, Drawn Together Season 2, some new transformers, Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 Gold, a new T-shirt and some random assorted useless crap that I don't even recall. It was perhaps not the best thing to do, as I realize now that I have only about $8.78 in my bank account.

Scion game on Monday should be interesting. Got a whole body swap episode in store, and it's going to be entertaining as hell. Ian's gonna be joining the group, he'll be playing Anthony, William's lover and all around badass egyptian medic... with claws.

Found a new free RPG called simply "The Dead". Seems pretty interesting, and it may make for a fun one-shot some day. I have to print it first though. I've decided that I want the new Heroscape base set for christmas. And an HD TV. And Assassin's Creed. And Mass Effect.

I've also been reading up on In Nomine. I wanna play an Ofanite. It just fits.

Okay, enough rambling. I need to sleep